How to Write a Journal…
Dear Diary…
… there’s something I need to tell you.
Are there some things you feel you could never tell a living soul? Wishes, hopes, dreams, regrets, rages and sorrows. For all sorts of reasons, thoughts can get trapped inside by the sense that we shouldn’t be thinking them at all. Wrangling with unruly thoughts can be detrimental to your mental health, stilt your life satisfaction and hinder emotional regulation (rage truly is better on the page). For all these reasons it might be time to consider learning how to write a diary that really works for you. Because, diary or journal (potayto, potahto, I’m going to use both interchangeably), it’s not a one-size-fits-all process. While it’s fine to grab the nearest notebook and make a dramatic dear diary start, you need to choose the right type of diary to fit your needs and nature.
If you’re wavering on the edge of the vellum, here’s a bit of inspiration to keep you reading…
“The finest thing of all is that I can at least write down what I think and feel, otherwise I would suffocate completely.”
Google searches for how to write a diary skyrocketed in Covid. Lots of trapped people = lots of trapped thoughts. This article was first written in response to that, right in the heart of that extraordinary historical moment. Back when we were careening along the cliff edge Indiana Jones’ style; hat and ragtag band of misfits clutched to our chest, counting the casualties and hoping to save the world. It’s not only disease which brings out the epistolary in us. War, prison, violence, illness, love, isolation… all have been known to produce some of the finest diaries history has to offer.
My writing group, The Hay Writers, had to cancel meetings during lockdown. Instead, deciding that Zoom didn’t work for writers, we decided to host email conversations on our regular meeting days. Our first e-meeting resembled what one member termed a marble scramble, akin to sending a fistful of marbles down the hallway to entertain your cats. It was chaotic and liberating. The overall conclusion was that it was time to keep a ‘plague diary’, following the illustrious examples of Pepys and Defoe, but how did one begin?
Writers asking writers how to write a diary? I’ve never been more surprised.
I assumed all writers journal, for I’ve kept one since I was younger than Anne Frank, when the joy of writing first lit me up but I had nothing worthwhile to write about. For the majority, it is absolutely true that “neither I, nor anyone else, will care for the outpouring of a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl” (Anne Frank). I’ve managed mostly to keep the habit up, partly because I’m not too strict as to the edicts of said habit, and experimented with many different versions along the way. This exploration has taught me a clear rule:
If you want to write a diary that will give you real investment on return for your time, first ask yourself what sort of diary should you write.
The form of diary you keep shapes the type of conversation that you’re having with yourself and what you need at that point in your life. There are many ways to keep a diary, here are 7 options to get you thinking:
1 The Songbird
Giving voice to what cannot be spoken. Sing like no one can hear you.
An exposition diary is a way to express yourself if you are struggling with emotions that don’t seem to have a place in the ranks of your nearest and dearest.
The antonym of exposition is silence or quiet. Writing an exposition diary will help you overcome any part of yourself that feels silenced in the outside world. It is also, oddly, the state you can achieve after writing an exposition diary. But this is profound silence, heard silence, peaceful silence. It is the silence of having finally outed what was chaotic and unbearable in your mind.
While I could cite from the numerous ranks of ‘famous’ exposition diaries, I’m going to highlight A Notable Woman. Edited from 45 exercise books and 400 other loose pages down to 700 pages this is the diary of someone as ordinary as you and me.
How to write an exposition diary: Write without aim or judgement. Use an exposition diary to get stuff off your chest and put it away. There is no best time to write this, let the energy of your life dictate. If the blank page feels overwhelming, begin with a list. Express an emotion you’re feeling… love, anger, sadness, hope, excitement. Lean into that emotion, what is it’s focus? You don’t need to have beautiful sentences. Repeat words that feel particularly huge or trapped inside. Out it all.
Great for: Teenagers. People feeling like they’re “too much”. People unable to face external conflict, especially at work. Those handling relationship doubt but not yet ready to talk about it. People who find themselves inclined to philosophy but whose friends find them boring (hint: get better friends). A great place to start if you feel the urge to journal but aren’t sure why.
Warning: Be prepared for a few surprises and probably best to keep this sort of diary under lock and key, under your pillow, under the bed, under a magic rock. Also good for burning when full for a full cathartic experience.
Next step: Ideally you should you use this as a stepping ground towards another form of diary, or alongside one. Claire Tomalin expresses it well “When I kept a diary, I realised that it was all moanings and depression, and I think that is quite common.” Exposition is great, but it’s really trying to tell you something.
Curious and want to know more? Try this fuller article.
2 The River
Tapping the subconscious. A fishing trip into the depths of your mind.
In this format you are following philosophers like J. W. Dunne and artists such as Vladimir Nabokov and Graham Greene. Julia Cameron calls this type of diary writing ‘morning pages’ and it’s an excellent way to capture your thoughts fresh from sleep or rest and to snare loose creative ideas that soon get battered by daily life. Crafting time to be alone with your deeper mind before anything else happens can give you a regular source of creative inspiration and energy.
How to write a subconscious diary: Best done first thing. Keep a notebook by the side of your bed or near the kettle. Open, write, close. Aim for scribbles, words, mind maps or uncontrolled writing. Later on that day, go back and see what bobbed up to the surface. As you get more into using this sort of diary, try to hold onto one ‘knot’ in your life last thing as you go to sleep. Don’t focus on the stress of it (bad for sleep patterns), but acknowledge it and then give it up to your subconscious mind to deal with.
Great for: Anyone working in creative endeavours; artists, writers, musicians, actors. Those pursuing a project or thesis; scientists, students, thought-leaders, philosophers. Those working to inspire other people; teachers, managers, parents. Creativity comes into many parts of our life and the essence here is connecting to your subconscious, not conscious mind, to find solutions.
Warning: This type of journaling can turn you into a scary recluse first thing in the morning.
Next step: Look for connections. Ideas that pull together or resolve each other in ways that you might not have entertained in a more wakened state. These connections are part of your unique solutions to the world.
Curious and want to know more? Try this fuller article.
3 The Six Pack
Prepare to get buff. The mental workout of diaries.
Enter the numerous variations of intentionality and application journalling, often called the bullet journal method. If you haven’t heard about this, which planet have you been living on and where can I buy a ticket?
If you want to read about a devotee to the intentionality practice, try Rachel Hollis. She credits her success to the process of writing out her future best self on any scrap of paper she could lay her hands on. A transitional power which can now be handily purchased in a ‘Start Today’ journal. Bullet journals incline towards your own ability to create a system of notes and markers, grids and lists that best express your aims. Both immediate and important, pressing and long-term, the goal here is the goal. You don’t write up the day gone; you write towards the day ahead.
What do you really want? What would make the biggest difference to you? Who do you want to be in ten years’ time?
How to write a workout diary: Begin with a list or mind map what feels blocked in your life. Sit down, grab a scrappy piece of paper and let loose. From this (here’s a hint, the way you made this list will begin to shape the way you write your intentionality journal) pick one key goal that feels most pressing to you. Next either a) go out and spend a tonne load of money on a cute dot notebook and to-die-for pen collection or b) grab whatever you have to hand and don’t worry about the aesthetics just yet. Divide your double spread of pages into sections. Decide how long your goals will run for, (1 month, 1 quarter, 1 year, 1 decade) and start to break down the end term goal into smaller steps that you will track in your journal. Give yourself plenty of small tasks to achieve and motivate you on the way. Create headings, doodle, sketch and highlight to make each target look scrumptious. You are literally writing your future into beautiful existence.
Great for: People with brains that like structure. If the messy emotional side of journaling (or life) makes you feel Ew, this is the place for you. It’s all about reminding yourself of your own focus in the busy drift of life. People who are incessant doodlers, list makers, incessant fadders (as in diet, fitness, lifestyle fads). People with big dreams and goals. People with too many ideas who struggle to make progress on any.
Warning: Highly addictive. Like HIGHLY. The pens, the notebooks, the whole stationery vibe. Also, this is the closest diary to a mental diet… failure can swiftly follow if you set your goals too high to start.
Next step: Go buy all the stationery. Once you start hitting targets, set bigger goals. Surprise yourself by harnessing your natural energy into intentionality.
Curious and want to know more? Try this fuller article.
4 The Soul Maker
The soul soup of diaries. Enter the realm of gratitude.
This style of diary has a whole heap of public oomph behind it. My good people, I give you Oprah Winfrey on gratitude journaling:
“Being grateful all the time isn’t easy. But it’s when you least feel thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give you: perspective. Gratitude can transform any situation. It alters your vibration, moving you from negative energy to positive. It’s the quickest, easiest most powerful way to effect change in your life — this I know for sure.”
Oprah has been a gratitude diarist for many years and counts it as the single most significant habit that has changed her life for the better. Hang on, I’m actually going to repeat that… THE SINGLE MOST SIGNIFICANT HABIT THAT HAS CHANGED HER LIFE FOR THE BETTER. Yes, Oprah Winfrey. That Oprah. I’m done here. Grab that notebook and count the ways you love your life and let your life love you back.
How to write a gratitude diary: A good way to start is with today’s date and a few headings. I suggest Gratitude, Glimmers and Lessons. Gratitude can cover the rather obvious things we may not value enough. Health, a job, financial security, loving friends and family, independence, the start of a new phase of life. Become more consciously aware of what you do have. Glimmers are the little gifts of life. I love this idea, which I found on Instagram. These are the sunbeams through windows, the taste of coffee, a walk in the rain, a wild heron on your morning swim, a falling flower. And under Lessons, try rewriting the things in life that are challenging you in a more positive tone. That manager you hate? Universal message to shift jobs. That child who tests you? Universal message to reassess your priorities. That sticky bun that’s testing you? It’s a glimmer. Eat the damn bun.
Great for: People who feel unhappy and stuck. People who are aware they have negative energy resulting from external circumstances (first shift the energy, then change the circumstances). People who are healing from trauma. People looking to make internal, meaningful transition rather than conquer the world.
Warning: Like Oprah said, it isn’t always easy to be grateful. Life can be tough. You might want to choose your timing for starting this sort of diary. I tried it in the depths of relationship collapse. After a month of writing ‘coffee, hot coffee, more coffee’ in my gratitude diary, I had to shelve this one for a later time.
Next step: Move into writing another heading, Failures. This is about as big a game changer as I can give you. Write up your failures with gratitude and learn that they are the most powerful experiences of your life. They are the mile markers on the road to your most fulfilled self.
Curious and want to know more? Try this fuller article.
5 The Herd Finder
Writing a diary feel too lonely? Use yours to find your herd.
Sometimes, writing about how you feel you don’t fit in is not as helpful as finding a space where you do belong. When I was struggling with early years parenting, I found expressing my feelings garnered criticism or shock amongst my family and friends. Enter Instagram and the world of reality parenting, ranging from deeply caustic to emotionally honest. The relief to know I was not alone in adoring my child and hating the parenting experience was a transformative experience. A space where I could contribute my feelings, my experiences, my lessons. Choosing where and with whom you share your hidden thoughts is an enabling step towards a happier and more authentic experience.
How to write a community diary: Think outside the box. You may already be doing this in a subtle way, simply by watching others either on social media or in real life. Step outside your comfort zone and start commenting in areas you feel drawn to. (One of my most liked comments is on someone else’s post. I get daily mentions and updates on how many people it spoke to.) Then take the next step and consider creating a new social media space where you open up about your struggle and the ways you’re learning to manage it. Authenticity is the key here. Regular ‘entries’ or posts will help you really lean into your true feelings.
Great for: People who feel isolated in any area of their everyday life. People dealing with gender transitioning, racial aggression, ageism, ableism, etc. Those seeking lifestyle alternatives, wannabe travellers and adventurers, parents, gym-rats, entrepreneurs. Amongst a gazillion other examples of needing to find your herd. Perfect for social media junkies (turn your consumption into content and watch your life take an upward trajectory)
Warning: Do not equate virality with value. If your account doesn’t grow to immense proportions in a few posts, do not dismiss it. Stay true to your voice and find your people. And, because sharing any part of yourself online can circulate back into your real life, consider starting out with an account not linked to your contacts and with a different name.
Next step: Use this form of social diary to harness the power of the herd. What lessons are you hearing? How can you transform that into growth in your own life and others? Now that you’ve created this space online, make your next step incorporating that part of you into every aspect of your life. Don’t get lost in the belief that you can live online, go find your herd in the real world.
6 The Da Vinci
A picture is worth a thousand words. Welcome to the art journal.
Visual rather than written. There are no rules on the nature of how you journal. It doesn’t have to be grammatically correct, calligraphically noble or structurally aesthetic. You can bubble speak your way through a diary, photo capture or sketch your outer life or draw vignettes of your inner mind. Frida Kahlo kept a beautiful combination of words and images in her journals.
How to keep an artistic journal: First, go find an art supply shop. Look at the immense variety of notepads, page thickness, colour, cover. Look at the range of pens, pencils, paints, brushes, charcoal. Buy it ALL! No, no, don’t buy it all. Pick a few of everything (you can reasonably afford) or… I love this idea… pick one thing per month over the course of a year. Watercolours, charcoal, kids crayons, fine liners. Create a time in your day when you stop all your doing and allow yourself space to doodle. Let the first pages be messy and chaotic. Each day you go back, see what you most loved about what came before and hone into that subject matter and style.
Great for: Creative people who have lost touch with their artistic side. Used to love drawing as a kid? Once contemplated art school but ended up a quantity surveyor? Find your happiest time in an art gallery but not sure why? Told as a student that you couldn’t make a living from art? Start an art diary. Also wonderful for non-verbal folks on the spectrum and for introverts so ‘verted they actually don’t even want to talk to the page.
Warning: I’d keep this one to yourself for a bit. Otherwise you’ll be getting fifty colouring books from your family at Christmas. Oh, and watch the budget. The only place more dangerous to enter than a traditional sweet shop is an art store.
Next step: An art journal is a private, close-kept, closed book. Once you’ve noticed key themes repeating themselves or find you have a medium that gives you utter joy (fine liners and pencil crayon selection boxes make me quiver at the knees), try creating something on a loose page. Something you could complete and hang on your walls.
Curious and want to know more? Try this fuller article.
7 The Butterfly
Linger for the moment, not for the habit.
Keeping your diary can be a habit or you can make it a treat. You can keep plague journals, holiday journals, new job journals, new baby journals, wedding journals, study journals, falling-in-love journals, getting-over-love journals. Aldous Huxley, author of Brave New World, kept a diary of his experiences on LSD. And, into this category, I would include the tragically truncated life of Anne Frank. The challenge with writing a temporary journal, something inspired by a particular moment in time, is that while you may have the momentum to start such a thing, you may not have the skills to make it feel sufficiently valuable before the moment has moved on. Lean into your novice status. You may find it is something you become swifter at capturing.
How to write a temporary diary: Commit to capturing the specific moment and then let go of all other expectations. Ideally, set a time every day when you will open your diary and add to it. Be experimental. Turn a page and fancy trying something new today? Do it. Use any and all of the ideas I’ve shared above for how to write a diary. A holiday journal lends itself well to pictures and listicles. A falling in love diary would make for great exposition. New job… bust that bullet point on one side, gratitude the crap out of the moment on the other. You get the point. Keep a temporary journal online, in private documents, in a notebook, on sticky notes. Just make sure to note the dates. Temporary things are connected to the moment.
Great for: Important moments in your life. If you’re about to take on something huge, or it’s been thrust upon you, this is your time. Any single person will face these rock and roll moments in life. You may want to look back many years in the future and understand what shaped the decisions younger you made.
Warning: Like a butterfly this can last for a week, or for a month, but ideally no longer than a year, when it might get a bit stale. Don’t judge your temporary journal on its longevity but its beauty.
Next step: If you’ve been experimental, you may have tuned into a particular way of journaling that suits you. When the moment passes, see if you want to try a more specific form of diary longer term. Or look for a new ‘moment’ to capture.
Curious and want to know more? Try this fuller article.
Hopefully by now you’ve got some great ideas on how to write your own diary.
If you’re the sort of person who fails at dieting, who regularly cancels gym membership or has yet to run that promised half-marathon, who tries gentle parenting and cracks by midday, or who longs to write a book and has sixteen first chapters, fear not, this is the habit that will help all your habits.
Diaries offer a space where we are that which we wish to be, whether as a devout member of society or a dissident. There should be no barriers to our thoughts, our hopes and nobilities, our platitudes and spite.
Keep it carefully, as something both precious and to be protected, and make sure others around you understand your rules about privacy.
If you need any final encouragement to start your own diary, look no further than the words of Barack Obama, “In my life, writing has been an important exercise to clarify what I believe, what I see, what I care about, what my deepest values are”. And beware, once you start entrusting your true self to the vellum, you might find it crafting your life beyond the page.
And if you’re curious about how I journal after so many years of practice, and what it’s done for my life, jump here to get the deets on my very own The Rewrite Journal.